Woke up to the real Thanksgiving, and it was one of those mornings where you read the news and the world seems to have gone to hell overnight. My obscene good luck seems to have ground to a dramatic halt. Having just submitted my Indian visa and almost bought my ticket to pursue double research in Mumbai, I woke up to hear the city is in flames, that Americans are being targeted, hostaged, murdered on rooftops. My back-up plan, Bangkok, Thailand is coincidentally also on the verge of catastrophe and all the airports are closed while Americans are being flighted out… I am fully aware that these are thoroughly selfish responses, I additionally have deep sorrow for those who have been affected. And the production here has been canceled because funding pulled out at the last minute. While this in itself is educational and relevant to my research, and though I’ve already learned much and will continue to do so my last weeks here, it is still a downer. I was so jittery yesterday that I felt highly over-caffeinated, then realized I was just feeling stress and sadness. Guess it’s a sign of how well things have been going that I didn’t recognize it as such. I feel restless, as all the options I was so excited for are closing to me. I guess if I get stranded in Spain it won't be such a bad thing, ha...
My mom’s voice as it crackled like autumn leaves through the no-doubt very expensive connection yesterday, would counsel taking this moment to reflect upon what I am grateful for. Yesterday I pretty much just had the heart to hibernate. And today I don’t have any eloquence regarding my gratitude, but it is of course still present; mainly in the deep love I am radiating out from this freezing Balkan city to project around the world. My people are so scattered, but I am so deeply lucky to know and care for as many people as I do, and to know they in turn love me. I have received massive support, letters, a near constant stream of love and news… For this I am deeply grateful, as well for the physical safety of those I love.
About Me
- Jenny
- I am a domestic violence advocate working in Portland, OR. I love my job. And I fear I have begun to lose some of myself. I repeat, I love my job. I feel grateful beyond belief to daily work with and for amazing human beings, to be challenged, to be always learning, to be a witness to such powerful survivor-ship. And, I know/fear/dread that it will be unmanageable if I don't find more ways to creatively and compassionately counter the vicarious trauma I imbibe every day. I don't think I'm alone in this, and I want this project to be a practice in more regular intention and healing, and also a sort of D.I.Y approach to finding new tools for self-care. Even better, I dream of it eventually being less of a "do it yourself" and more of a "muddle through this together" where we can share ideas and support around ourselves being as whole, enriched and free as those we seek to serve. I often hear advocate talk of "the work" and what I want to focus more on here, is this work in progress- I invite you to join me.
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