This side of the sick, the sun is shining

There are some very interesting cases in the world right now regarding death with dignity... (esp. in UK- look them up... I hope I have deep enough love in my life that people would help me die if that's what I wanted, and visa versa. What a strange way to measure love, but really, what could be more selfless?) I have this on the mind, as have just emerged from a few days of sicky-Jen-monster, I realized how deeply degraded quality of life is when you're sick. I become an emotional-mental nut, and my fairly consistent sense of appreciation for life and a quest for intentionality becomes muddled and depressed. Also, being sick in a foreign country is lonely and sad- huddled under blankets with a raging fever in Madrid I kept thinking how I could die and no one would know!

Anyways, on this side of the sick, it is a gorgeous day in Barcelona, and I am guzzling some stolen coffee (I shamelessly poach anything not labelled from hostel kitchens...) before diving back into the city; I WILL get more of a sense of it, and it WILL love me back, damn it! Other goal of the day- see more Gaudi and splurge on a new book (swoon).

Part of the blues, and likely illness, was my body shutting down and requiring some rest. If I'd considered powering ahead this year like a non-stop vacation (i.e. LITERALLY seizing every opportunity), I was reminded of the impossibility and importance of finding SOME balance and pacing myself. Furthermore, my mini-vacation with Emily between research jags at the beginning and end of my month here in Spain isolated me from my PURPOSE. I wonder if I will be happy just "touristy travelling" anymore, instead of either working or living somewhere... I doubt it. But heading back to Quinto to do some focus groups with the vecinas there, and as plans for Thailand fall into place (I will literally head to their press release from the airport after nearly 24 hours of travel (AHHHHHH) to meet everyone and get the key to the flat I'll be staying at); I am reconnecting to the main thread of meaning to this year, which grounds me in some sense, so I don't feel so floating or disconnected.

Also, hostel is again full of freaking-adorable couples; without a doubt, I have to get me one of these at some point. I've been lucky to travel so much, but never with a significant other- sounds like a dream. Although hostalling it up and sex seem highly unconducive... Hilariously- dictionary.com word of the day is abstinence.